you have got to be kidding me
by Immortal-sassy-ward-shipper
Summary: the adventures of grant "like to play with dangerous objects" ward and buddy Jr this is crack and was written with vodka at 12am (cross-posted to A03, im sherlysdark over there)


Ward walks into the room quite a few minutes later than he was supposed to with buddy Jr at his heels, the briefings nearly finished "obelisk, what the hell is the obelisk?" he mutters glancing at the object on the table "it's a dangerous…" Coulson flat out stops talking when ward picks the very object up of the table turning it over like it was a children's toy.

"Ah, I saw this back at hydra once. What's all the fuss about?" he looks up at the silent room gaping at him as he still idly fiddled with the deadly object "the doctor looked the same when I picked it up to pass it to him back then" the obelisk is now, of course, glowing.

"Put that thing down" Jemma almost yells, she had read all about what had happened to the others who had picked it up. The rest of the team really don't know what to do or say, the obelisk was glowing and not killing ward. At all!

Ward frowns "why? Is it really dangerous? Am I infected with something deadly now?" he had asked the doctor the same thing at the time and never gotten an answer, it would have been better if he put it down.

Coulson shakes his head confused "wait, you picked it up before" he questions, remembering that you had to be worthy to pick it up so he was very unsure of what this meant. Ward nods confused "it lit up then too, why is it a big deal, no one ever said" he asks, he is a little curious.

"just put it down and get to the lab!" Jemma shouts at him standing up to go see if there was just a delayed reaction "ok" he puts it down slowly, the little scientist had a scary bark ok! Not to mention a lock jaw.

"you have got to be kidding me" ward looks back to see buddy has knocked the object off the table and has picked it up between his teeth, its glowing again and lance is just a little incredulous.

"Am I currently dreaming" Skye says seriously "no, I'm pretty sure we are all awake" trip tells her "what is the big deal" ward is still confused after having to wrestle the object from buddy. Trip tells him later what had happened with the obelisk.

/

"I need to go back to the shelter, Elizabeth just had her litter" ward whines but gets fixed with a look from Jemma which shuts him up while she tries to check to see if he's dying now.

When she turns back around she is speechless "no! Put that downright now ward, it killed 3 agents who touched it yesterday!" she finds the words pretty fast and ward sheepishly puts it down "well why did you leave it around" he defends.

A minute passes, silent besides Jemma taking new blood samples and checking him over "why does it say 'only the worthy may hold' in Swedish" he says confused and she just looks exasperated.

/

By now the team had given up with ward picking up alien objects and it being completely ok, didn't even bat an eye anymore.

Then, in a clean-up of New York Thor's hammer happens to be there. Clearly the concussion does not allow ward to remember this is Thor's hammer and there is no point in picking it up.

He returns to the team carrying it "is that" Skye says "it is" Coulson confirms "and he is" she says "he is" Coulson replies "aren't only the worthy" the whole team says "yes" this time.

"What? It's just a hammer" ward sighs, by now he was used to the main attention being him picking up alien objects with no clue why people were shocked.

The looks on each of the team's faces prove him wrong "what? Did I do something else wrong? Is this some hammer of doom that will kill everyone in a 30 mile radius? Do I need to bust my ass to try and fix it by taking down some new evil organisation of my own free will? Any clues? Anyone?" He sighs shaking his head.

"Ward…" ward just gave the hammer to buddy to hold

"You have to be fucking kidding me!" lance shouts incredulous. Ward and buddy look at each other "let's go get a drink buddy. Drop" he says with a shrug. The two walk off "it was thor's hammer!" Skye shouts after him.

/

Ward and Skye tumbled into his bunk, clothes coming off in a whirlwind of motion.

When he holds Skye later that night he thinks on the only thing he is happy to be worthy of is holding Skye.


End file.
